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Tasteless Jokes

A brunette, a red head, and a blonde were having a very interesting conversation and it got around to their daughters. The brunette said, "I went in my daughter's room the other day and found a pack of ciggarettes, I didn't even know she smoked!"

The red head said, "I went in my daughter's room and found a half-empty bottle of vodka! I didn't even know she drank!"

Then the blonde burst out and said, "I went in my daughter's room and found a pack of condoms, half-empty, I didn't even know she had a penis!"

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A woman was shopping at her local supermarket where she selected: 2 quarts of low fat milk, a carton of eggs, 2 quarts of orange juice, a head of lettuce, half a dozen tomatoes, a jar of instant coffee, and a pack of bacon.

As she was unloading her items on the conveyor belt at check out, a drunk standing behind her watched as she placed the items in front of the cashier.

While the cashier was ringing up her purchases, the drunk calmly stated, "You must be single."

The woman was a bit startled by this proclamation, but she was intrigued by the derelict's intuition, since she was indeed single. She looked at her six items on the belt and saw nothing particularly unusual about her selections that could have tipped off the Drunk to her marital status. Curiosity getting the better of her, she said, "Well, you know what, you're absolutely correct. But how on earth did you know that?"

The drunk replied, "Cos you're ugly."

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Q: What's invisible and smells like carrots?
A: Rabbit Farts

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A woman was in a coma. She had been in it for months. Nurses were in her room giving her a sponge bath. One of them was washing her private area and noticed that there was a slight response on the monitor when she touched her.

They tried it again and sure enough there was definite movement. They went to her husband and explained what happened, telling him, "As crazy as this sounds, maybe a little oral sex will do the trick and bring her out of the coma."

The husband was skeptical, but they assured him that they'd close the curtains for privacy. The husband finally agreed and went into his wife's room.

After a few minutes the woman's monitor flat lined, no pulse, no heart rate. The nurses run back into the room. "What happened!?" they cried. The husband said, "I'm not sure - I think maybe she choked."

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What does it taste like when you go down on an old lady?
Depends...

I was eating out my grandmother and all of a sudden I tasted horse semen and I'm like, "Oh Grandma, so that's how you died!"

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What does it taste like when you go down on an old lady?
Depends...

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Why don't you see black people on cruise ships?
They're not falling for that again.

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A man goes into a diner, sits down at the counter, and orders a bowl of Chili. The waitress tells him the guy next to him just got the last bowl. The man looks over, and sees the bowl untouched. He asks the man, "Aren't you going to eat that?". The other man says no, so the first man takes the bowl and starts eating.

About halfway through the bowl, he looks down and sees half a dead rat. He immediately vomits up into the bowl. The other man looks over and says "Yeah, I made it about that far too."

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